Thoughts

I don't normal post messages on here or facebook about my personal dramas. But have decided that I need an outlet to write my thoughts and figure things out. So if you don't want to read this (I don't have anyone reading my blog anyways) don't read it.
I have been going to a lot of stuff lately and it seems that people (my family) particular just don't and don't want to understand. This is just something I am trying to deal with.
On Tuesday my only child, my baby daughter graduated 6th grade. Now I was so excited to go see her graduation and bound and determined to go no matter what. I have issues leaving my house, fear mostly, anxiety and panic attacks. The only think I could think about for 2 days was all the things that could go wrong. I am an obese  person with really bad knees, consistent pain in my knees and feet. So all I think about is if I fall how will I get up cause I can't put any kind of pressure on my knees. The last 2 times I feel I had to call the Fire Department to come help me out, if that isn't embarrassing enough. In Jan I decided that I was going to change things and lose some of this weight. My doctor suggest I give up pasta, rice, white bread. So I went online and found the Low Carb/High Fat life sytle and this sounded like something I could actually follow. I have always sucked at diets, hence being very obese. I told my sister-in-law about my plan and she said she would like to do it with me. So I waited around for her to get in touch with me and that never happened. In Feb I started slowing removing carbs from my diet. I had already started getting rid of processed foods from my families diets and started making things home made. This life style change to start off cost some bucks. From getting all the different flours, protein and sugars. I tired several different all natural sugars with no luck, my pallet can't stand them. Once that stay gets on my tongue it doesn't go away no matter what I do, even brush my teeth. I finally got things going with the life style change and for the most part I am good with it. There are some things I miss like bagels and English muffins. Eggs are not my favorite thing in the world to eat and this diet requires them big time.
Since starting this life style change in June I went to the Doctors and found out I had lost 50 pounds, I was so excited and not happy at the same time. If I have lost all this weight, why am I so tired. The Doctor tells me I am borderline anemic and that he thinks I have a ulcer which might be slowly bleeding cause the anemic. So I go and see a gastroenteritis and they are going to do the up and lower viewing of my insides. And that doesn't get done till Sept 15th.
So for the next two months I have to live with being so tired, some days aren't so bad but other days they are really bad, I am so tired, I can't deal with people I am so shorted tempered.  I just really can't deal with anything. I am so tired of being tired and not being able to do the simplest things without being exhausted. All I want to do is have the energy to sweep and mop my disgusting kitchen floor. That is all I want to be able to do and catch mustard up enough energy.